Resurrected Mind

Heal Your Mind, Transform Your Life – Through A Course in Miracles


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20 Ways to Get Through a Breakup

In the midst of a breakup, you can get very confused, or you can use this list of ways to get through it.  This is a way to speed up your awakening and healing from relationships.  Forgiveness is key now but it might feel impossible to you.  That is totally understandable.

My husband announced two weeks ago that he didn’t want to live with me any more.  I have found myself in shock, anger, guilt, rage, fear, frustration and dismay.  Here is how I am getting through it.  It is working for me and helping me to move quickly into joy even in the midst of this painful situation.

  1. Stay focused on you.  Don’t focus on the partner and what he or she did to you. Let them be.  You have no control over them, but you do have control over your mind and how you handle this situation.
  2. Make a list of things you have to take care of now.  It could be to find a place to live, to work (if you work at home), organize a move, decide what possessions you want to keep.  Don’t worry about this too much, you can always replace stuff.
  3. Be very focused on your mental state.  Do the lessons of the Course, read Chapter 17 The Holy Relationship.  We use our relationships to heal and to awaken from the dream of separation.  Use this as an opportunity to get serious and be persistent on your path.
  4. Read one lesson per day, or read the first 50 lessons from A Course in Miracles in short form (reviews) every day. I like the reviews because it can be done in 20 minutes.
  5. Allow the emotions to surface, but don’t wallow in them.  You can read and repeat the key lessons like “There is nothing my holiness cannot do.  I am as God created me.  There is nothing to fear. “
  6. Breathe deeply and use this meditation to release emotions and the tendency to blame.  Panic will not help right now, when it comes up, do this quick 25 minute healing to release the emotional states.  Resentment is not going to help you right now, but it will come up and this will help to let it go quickly.
  7. Ask for help.  Many supportive friends and family will come to your aid, people you never thought would be so caring.  Allow them to help you right now because you need them and it alleviates the loneliness and fear. You are supported by God right now and your friends and family want to help you.
  8. Go within.  Write down all that you are feeling and focus on what you want now  .  Don’t listen to everyone and their opinions, this will just confuse you. Don’t let other people’s breakups or stories influence you.
  9. Write down the “old story”, this what you have been living regarding your self, partner, career, finances, and home.  Now burn it.  Now write down the “new story”, aim high and imagine what you want right now in all these aspects.  This will help to let go of the past and move on quickly and stay focused on YOU, and what you really want now.  Read it over and over every day.
  10. Pray each day for guidance and to be shown that you are loved and taken care of. The universe loves you and is giving you this opportunity to speed up your process of awakening.  Allow the guidance and the freedom from fear that it brings each moment.
  11. The blessing in this situation is:  There is always a blessing for you in a crisis…write it down.  This keeps you focused on what you are grateful for, allowing for more appreciation.   Read it over every morning.
  12. Focus on your abilities and strengths. This helps when the critical judging thoughts come in that eat away at your self-esteem.
  13. Don’t allow the judgments and self-criticism.  Write down all your wonderful qualities and things you have achieved in your life.
  14. Keep an open heart and mind.  When you close down and feel the pain, know that it is changing.  It is important to feel the emotions but know that you are not your emotions and feelings. You can stay open to receive more healing and more grace.
  15. Stay hydrated.  Don’t reach for alcohol or coffee right now…I know its tempting, but it brings your body into stress and your emotions will be harder to calm down.  Drink tons of water!
  16. Exercise.  This really keeps the stress out of your body.  Go for a run or walk every morning for at least 30 minutes. It helps to know you care about yourself right now.  Take care of the body and the mind.
  17. Take a break from your location.  Book a trip and give yourself time to slow down and go within.  I am going to a part of the country I love for 5 days and seeing my two grown boys. I can feel how much I need this right now.
  18. Try this worksheet from Byron Katie for self-examination. A simple four step process to let go of your painful thoughts.
  19. Don’t project all your thoughts onto your partner.  Let them go for now.  Be steady and look at your own mind.  Remember, self responsibility is key.
  20. Give yourself a break, its time to list all the things you love and and remember what brings you joy and do at least 3 of those things each day.

When life choices seem daunting in the midst of chaos, know that there are no mistakes.  You will make choices and then learn from them. Honor your progress and your path right now.  You want freedom and this is giving it to you in ways you cannot fathom right now.

Although the pain will surface, feel it and use it to free you today.  It is helping you to become more compassionate toward yourself and others. Stay humble. Focus on this moment right now.  Not next week, not next year.  RIGHT NOW…it is the only time there is and it is where your healing resides.

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How a breakup can free you

You may have moments in your awakening where someone has let you down and you aren’t able to get beyond the feeling of disappointment, sadness or pain. I just went through this with a business partner and found myself wondering what happened, did I do something to bring about this occurrence? Is it a good change? And where am I responsible for it?

The self-responsibility statement from A Course in Miracles is clear: I am responsible for what I see, I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for and receive as I have asked.

This leaves absolutely no room for victimization. I know that the only way out of negative emotion is always to accept responsibility for the situation and my own feelings associated with it. I often have to write them down to find out what I am really feeling and perhaps have buried. When I reveal to myself the hidden feelings, I can then ask for help with their release, but until I look at them and identify the truth within me about them, I won’t feel released. I need help in that moment. And the Holy Spirit or healer within cannot relieve me of something I am unwilling to look at honestly.

Forgiveness is letting something come to the surface, looking at it and allowing it to be released for you. Then, you only have to be willing to let go of your perception. It’s OK to be wrong. Especially if you are unhappy.

So in this situation, I had to look at my expectation that I had put on my partner and really ask myself if it was reasonable that she meet that. Was she capable of meeting it, even though she may have intended to, did she really have the motivation within her to do so. It became clear that I was hoping that she did have the motivation, but in reality, she wasn’t showing me that she did. When I felt this happening, I confronted her with it and then let it go. I know I have no control over what someone else wants or chooses. I simply have to be clear about my intention and my desire. But how that plays out is beyond my control.

Now when I was able to forgive this, and let her be exactly where she is, and let myself be forgiven for having an expectation, I could allow a new door to open, let a new opportunity for a change occur. It’s important to surrender to the greater good for all concerned. But it wasn’t that easy.

In journaling this, I had to admit I was having misgivings and frustration with the partnership and wasn’t able to cut it off immediately. I found myself doing too much for her and letting her be helpless and dependent upon me. This became increasingly frustrating and I realized I could not trust her to do her part. So, in effect I had let the situation go on too long, by my need to help her get her act together. And then I found it intolerable.

I first had to confront this within myself, and see where I had allowed this manipulation to occur. When I could see my part in it, that I had agreed to take on this role with her, I then made a decision to stop. This finally was the catalyst for the change and the confrontation.

Now, I can better focus on my priorities and my goals and have increased energy and determination to move ahead. My support has to come from within me and from my Creator. He knows how to heal me, and release me from my tendencies to let someone manipulate me. And my own expectation came from feeling I wanted to have a partnership, when in truth, I am too independent for that. I know who I am and want to express it freely. In truth, I want to be released from relying on others inappropriately. Or, as many women do, feeling the need to be depended upon…we get this from mothering, partnering and being in constant service to the world around us.

Yet in this situation and many others, I have found that the real answer is that I am free to be independent and must be if I am to be happy. My independence, however, means I am relying upon my Creator, my higher self, my savior and the light of truth to shine through me. This will reveal the love behind every encounter that feels like pain, disappointment and conflict.

Only appreciation is an appropriate response to my brother. This statement from the Course challenges me to accept everything exactly as it is and to let go of my expectation. This frees me and my brother and sister in this dream of ever unfolding life and the journey back to LOVE itself.

I hope this helps you today.

Monica